Open thread — the first weekend of 2021!
And what a year this week has been. If you, like me, barely got any work done: Grab a cup of morning coffee or tea and take a seat.
How did the events of this week bring up the pressure of “productivity” for you?
How did you allow yourself (and your creative mind) some grace? If that was a struggle, what did you learn/are you learning about that particular tension?
When creative output is low, what creative inputs and rest do you go to?
This was the first week I was expected back in-person at the office since the pandemic. It was also the week where Senate control would be determined by my state, where we found out the lame-duck President pressured election officials to undermine the vote. Casual. And this was all before the coup.
I knew going in to have grace for myself. This goes against my Virgo perfectionism, which typically operates at a fever pitch. But I’ve gotten better about managing my desire for flawlessly smooth systems, for ultimate efficiency with no wasted effort, thanks to new parenthood during a pandemic.
When I’m can’t be productive or my plans otherwise don’t live up to my (exceedingly high) expectations, I practice self-compassion. What do I need in that moment? A lot of times, it’s to simplify. You quickly realize a lot of stuff doesn’t HAVE to get done right now.
Watching my daughter grow reminds me that childhood is not a race. Neither is our creative process. It’s often better to slow down and savor where we’re at right now. There are seasons for everything.
I took almost a year off of writing my queer romance novels due to finally confronting painful trauma I'd been avoiding. I'd been blocked for quite some time, and at the end of 2020 my creative energy started filtering in, so I eased back into a writing schedule. I kept with it for a week and felt absolutely incredible.
And then Wednesday happened.
I'm still wearing a thin, baby fresh skin--it hasn't toughened up to handle the world being on fire, and I knew if I tried to push, I'd end up back where I was through most of 2020. So I took Wednesday and Thursday off, then woke up today hungry to create again. At least if the world was burning, I'd be building something new.
It's tough. I'm high risk, so I'm not able to work outside the home, and I don't have a career that lends itself to working from home either. All of our income is tied up in freelance work right now, and that means the pressure is heavy. But I can't let myself break again. I can't risk saying goodbye to my writing forever.
Since my current draft is essentially a polyamorous and trans romance inspired by Stardew Valley, I let myself sink into a new game so I could drink up the exact energy I'm trying to give my readers. It fed me, reminding me of the escape I want my writing to be. I'm happy I managed another 2,000 words today - and now I'm going to slink back into my game and remember to fight for my happiness.